I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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