Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
