I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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