kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
