Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
