I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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