I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
