Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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