Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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