I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she told me i tasted like america
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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