I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
