So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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