I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
