Cold hands, warm shart.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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