I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize