I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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