Your tits are I can't wait for
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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