I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize