Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
