I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Congratulations! We have a period
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