After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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