I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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