What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Houston, we have a squirter
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
