my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
