i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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