we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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