Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
