im having a threesome with these popsicles
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
