fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
