this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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