I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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