I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
