I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
