it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
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