What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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