Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize