Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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