I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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