the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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