lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
