I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
