hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
