Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
