HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
