nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
