yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
