just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
