well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
