Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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