I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
