I want to stick my p in your. b.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
