You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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