is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
