OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
