Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
