I CAN MOONWALK!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
