I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
