I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
smell my finger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
