Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
