your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
