respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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