Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
