i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
