I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize