I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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