I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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