why didn't you poke me back
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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