Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
