We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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