Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
