trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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