My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
