Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
