drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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