my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
