11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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