i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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